Saturday, July 9, 2011
I want to thank you ALL for your wonderful concern and support over the past 4-5 months. I miss you all and am finally at a place now where I feel I am returning to my old self.
After 11 years of employment for a company, I was 'let go' on Feb. 16th. I was told I did nothing wrong and that they were just 'making changes'.
If you'll look back at some of my art journaling pages prior to this event, you'll see sadness, worry and frustration in a lot of my projects. I knew I had big life changes coming my way, I just thought I'd be able to have more control over them. The last 8 months of employment were very difficult for me. Someone new and related to management was brought on board and slowly my duties started going to that person. I was left in the dark and not included in any of the discussions, decisions or day to day events as I had always been in the past. I felt invisible and I knew it was someone's way of making me 'want' to quit and move on. I think one of the biggest 'hints' I received was before Christmas when it was bonus time. I cut the bonus checks and my boss deliberatey gave me less than the others, when in the past I was one of the highest. I started looking because nobody wants to stay where they're no longer wanted. I guess I didn't find something quick enough for him.
I have never, NEVER been relieved of my duties at any job so it was a soul crushing, humiliating and hurtful experience. In fact, during my 11 years there I was contacted 3 different times to go to work for someone else but I remained loyal....I liked where I was. The last year was different. VERY different and I was praying for one of those calls :)
I spent 3 months on unemployment applying for jobs, getting some interviews and getting ignored as well. It's hard to start over at my age, but I found myself in exactly that position. I had 4 weeks severence pay and 4 weeks vacation pay to help but it was dwindling away fast as I had to suddenly pay my own health insurance ($425/mo) on top of my other financial responsibilities.
I finally landed a job about 40 miles away and the job itself was interesting, but I felt alone working in a new city, with new people I didn't know and away from family and friends and I also had to count on my little granddaughter to help put Mieko out once a day. I was up at 5 and on the road a little after 6 am every day. I did not want to commute, especially during the winter months and NOT with the price of gas right now. I worked hard to get my home ready to sell. Weeks and weeks of sprucing up, fixing things I should have done earlier and was about 2 days away from listing it and I got a phone call from a business locally and was offered a job right here, back in town :)
I am so relieved! I've been at my new position 2 weeks now and I think it's going to be great! The offices are nice with a clean environment (no bugs or mice like the last!), the people are wonderful and friendly and I'm going to give it my best!
I know this is long and most of you may have not made it to this part yet, ha! Anyway, one of the things that I learned during this whole process is that I let someone zap my spirit and I will NEVER do that again. I didn't want to exercise anymore. I didn't want to go out with friends. I didn't even paint. WHAT? How can anyone take that away from me? I never would have thought it possible, but I let it happen. I had 3 months to paint all day if I wanted, something I thought would have seemed like heaven, but it was, in fact, hell. I had NO desire. I felt worthless in every way possible and I turned to watching Lifetime movies and comfort food. 10 lbs later....I wish I had done things differently ;)
Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and update you. I'm sorry it took me so long. I was scared to post much of anything publically on the internet until I had let most of the bitterness go. I have. I'm still hurt and angry but I know in time it will pass. I just signed up for an E-book painting class to see if I can get some creative juices flowing again :)
Thanks again for being there for me and I hope to be able to share again and visit your blogs again regularly and get my life back to where it was♥
Blessings to you!