Saturday, July 9, 2011

Hello...remember me?

I want to thank you ALL for your wonderful concern and support over the past 4-5 months. I miss you all and am finally at a place now where I feel I am returning to my old self.

After 11 years of employment for a company, I was 'let go' on Feb. 16th. I was told I did nothing wrong and that they were just 'making changes'.
If you'll look back at some of my art journaling pages prior to this event, you'll see sadness, worry and frustration in a lot of my projects. I knew I had big life changes coming my way, I just thought I'd be able to have more control over them. The last 8 months of employment were very difficult for me. Someone new and related to management was brought on board and slowly my duties started going to that person. I was left in the dark and not included in any of the discussions, decisions or day to day events as I had always been in the past. I felt invisible and I knew it was someone's way of making me 'want' to quit and move on. I think one of the biggest 'hints' I received was before Christmas when it was bonus time. I cut the bonus checks and my boss deliberatey gave me less than the others, when in the past I was one of the highest. I started looking because nobody wants to stay where they're no longer wanted. I guess I didn't find something quick enough for him.

I have never, NEVER been relieved of my duties at any job so it was a soul crushing, humiliating and hurtful experience. In fact, during my 11 years there I was contacted 3 different times to go to work for someone else but I remained loyal....I liked where I was. The last year was different. VERY different and I was praying for one of those calls :)

I spent 3 months on unemployment applying for jobs, getting some interviews and getting ignored as well. It's hard to start over at my age, but I found myself in exactly that position. I had 4 weeks severence pay and 4 weeks vacation pay to help but it was dwindling away fast as I had to suddenly pay my own health insurance ($425/mo) on top of my other financial responsibilities.

I finally landed a job about 40 miles away and the job itself was interesting, but I felt alone working in a new city, with new people I didn't know and away from family and friends and I also had to count on my little granddaughter to help put Mieko out once a day. I was up at 5 and on the road a little after 6 am every day. I did not want to commute, especially during the winter months and NOT with the price of gas right now. I worked hard to get my home ready to sell. Weeks and weeks of sprucing up, fixing things I should have done earlier and was about 2 days away from listing it and I got a phone call from a business locally and was offered a job right here, back in town :)

I am so relieved! I've been at my new position 2 weeks now and I think it's going to be great! The offices are nice with a clean environment (no bugs or mice like the last!), the people are wonderful and friendly and I'm going to give it my best!

I know this is long and most of you may have not made it to this part yet, ha! Anyway, one of the things that I learned during this whole process is that I let someone zap my spirit and I will NEVER do that again. I didn't want to exercise anymore. I didn't want to go out with friends. I didn't even paint. WHAT? How can anyone take that away from me? I never would have thought it possible, but I let it happen. I had 3 months to paint all day if I wanted, something I thought would have seemed like heaven, but it was, in fact, hell. I had NO desire. I felt worthless in every way possible and I turned to watching Lifetime movies and comfort food. 10 lbs later....I wish I had done things differently ;)

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and update you. I'm sorry it took me so long. I was scared to post much of anything publically on the internet until I had let most of the bitterness go. I have. I'm still hurt and angry but I know in time it will pass. I just signed up for an E-book painting class to see if I can get some creative juices flowing again :)

Thanks again for being there for me and I hope to be able to share again and visit your blogs again regularly and get my life back to where it was♥

Blessings to you!


Micki Wilde said...

Darla I am so glad you are back in blogland, I missed you like crazy.

Sorry to hear all you have been through, you dealt with it the same way I deal with bad things with eating and resting, that is not necessarily a bad thing, it is what you needed to do at the time, now you can move on and put it behind you.
I am so glad you have a job you like again, it really does make a huge difference to how you feel, my hubby went through a 2 year awful time at his work before finally finding something else that he is now enjoying, so I totally understand how it must have been for you.

I am also signed up for Wyannes ebook class (I pressumed you meant that one) I hope it brings you the creative flow you are looking for.


Micki x

Colleen - the AmAzINg Mrs. B said...

Oh Sweetie..I can relate! I went through a very similar tihng a few years ago so I know how deflating it can be. But you ae better that are NOT invisable..yoou are strong and have so much to give! I am soooo happy you are back! I really REALLY missed you! And, you know it sounds trite..but things happen for a reason..and if nothing else..this was a wake-up call to you to NOT allow anything to crush your spirit! "They" may hold a lot of power over us..but they cannot crush our creativity, or love, or our spirit! You go girl!I am soooo very happy for you..and if, for some reason, this job isn't the one...there is one out there that will be perfect for YOU..and YOU deserve it!! Love & hugs!!!

Jeannette said...

Oh Darla I'm so glad you are back I missed you and your posts.Thanks for sharing your story with us.I am sad for you but please don't be sad for long.

Sometimes circumstances can zap the creativity right out of you.My grandmother has been very ill.I just got up one morning last week and decided enough was enough.

I'm back to painting and plan to start posting again soon as well.So happy you are back Darla you are a wonderful person inside and out and your art is just gorgeous.

Cathy Bueti said...

Darla!!!!! I have missed you!!! So happy to see you are back in blogland!!

Sorry to hear about all you have been going through but glad you had a happy ending to all of that stress. You are an artist and that will never change. Now that the stress is lifting I am sure that your creativity will start flowing again!


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Isabel said...

Im glad you are back and ok!!:O) So sorry to hear all that happened. I hope it continues to work out for you, life is easier when we are happy with our jobs, I know how all that feels.Sending hugs and so glad you are back:O)

Diane said...

Oh Darla, I'm so happy and relieved for you. And you know what they say--when one door closes...
All of this happened for a reason--you just have to find it, and look for the positive side of it--that's what I try to do, but sometimes this can be very tough.

Well, anyway, I'm just glad you're back and hope to see your wonderful talent on your blog again!

Serena said...

OH Darla, I am SO happy to see you posting again. It's obvsiously been a very tough phase emotionally for you and, I too, am appalled and upset at the way you were treated by them after being there for 11 years. I don't think it would have been half as bad for you to deal with if THEY had behaved differently. Shame on them! I'm glad to hear that you have found a job in town and life is getting back on track for you. It sounds like depression got a hold on you...been there myself for different reasons over the years.

Anywhoo, I'm so happy to 'see' you!!!

Much love and well wishes from me to you,
Serena xo

Sonja said...

I've stared this post to read it all and it was worth it. I'm glad you're back on your feet again.
It's sad how bad things happen to good people also and there's nothing you can do to make it easier. Just wait till it doesn't hurt that much.
Hope you'll get your juices flowing and you'll show us some paintings soon.
I'm realy happy you're back, I've missed reading your posts.

Iris said...

Darla I am so glad you're back!

I am so appalled to read what happened to you at your old job. That's really horrible. I'm so glad you found a new job and are starting to paint again. I've really missed your posts and your art.


Brigitte aka Scrappassie said...

That was more than just a bump in the road .... Can't believe what you went through, but I am sure you came out stronger (although maybe you don't feel like that just yet). Glad to see you're back, and I hope you will find creativity again!

Mary said...

Hi Darla, thank you for sharing your heart. I think sometimes the pain is just too much to take that we just shut down. I am glad you are on the other side of the bulk of it now, and life is looking brighter.

I love the painting you did with the woman and the bird on her, you were not alone during the storm, though it may have felt that way.

Grace, peace and love to you.

PCN said...

great post and best wishes to you!